Missouri’s Divorce Legislation Under Fire: Should Pregnant Women Have the Right to Divorce?
Destonee’s turning point came during a vehicle ride.
She describes an incident of emotional abuse: Pregnant with her third child, her husband raged at her while her elder two children listened in the car. “He would call me awful things in front of them,” she said. “And soon my son would call me those names too.”
She decided to leave him, but when she went to see a lawyer to file for divorce, she was urged to return once she was no longer pregnant.
Destonee wants to be identified simply by her first name. She claims that her ex-husband continues to make aggressive threats. She couldn’t leave her marriage because Missouri law compels women seeking divorce to reveal if they are pregnant, and state judges won’t grant divorces while pregnant. The rule, enacted in the 1970s, was designed to ensure that men were financially responsible for the children they fathered.
Advocates in Missouri are currently campaigning to amend this rule, claiming that it is being used as a weapon against victims of domestic violence and contributes to the reduction of women’s reproductive rights in the post-Roe v. Wade era.
“In Missouri, it feels as though they have really closed down every door in terms of reproductive autonomy,” says Kristen Marinaccio, an attorney and divorce law expert who has looked into these kinds of laws in Missouri and other states. She claims that, in addition to the legal and financial obligations of marriage, formally dissolving a marriage has significant emotional weight. “You might just think, well, it’s a piece of paper,” she goes on to say, “but that piece of paper that tells you you’re no longer in this horrible marriage is really freeing for a lot of clients.”
After hearing accounts from survivors who were unable to leave their marriages, state Representative Ashley Aune sponsored House Bill 2402. It would allow pregnant women to finalize their divorce in Missouri.
Aune believes that the legislation has been ignored for far too long and that authorities must grant women the ability to leave a dangerous or even life-threatening circumstance. “How can you look that person in the eye and say, ‘No, I think you should stay with that person,'” asks Aune, a member of the Democratic Party. “That’s wild to me.”
Another survivor of domestic violence, L., who asked to be named only by her initials because she claims she is still hiding from her ex-husband, relates her contact with the court system when she attempted to end her marriage. She had been clutching onto the concept of filing for divorce as an emotional lifeline for herself and her child. When she finally pursued it, she claims her lawyer told her it was impossible due to her pregnancy. “I felt defeated in that moment,” she says.
L. went back to her abusive marriage to wait out the pregnancy. She claims she slept on a tile floor in the basement the night before giving birth since “it was the only room in the house where there was a lock.”
Texas and Arkansas have comparable legislation. It is impossible to say how many women are unable to leave their marriages because of pregnancy. Some people may not even attempt to file for divorce because of the law; in Destonee’s instance, lawyers may just tell them to return when they are not pregnant.
Advocates in Missouri who help with domestic violence victims say they frequently see pregnant women who want to leave but are unable to do so, and they caution that it is not as simple as waiting out the pregnancy. “When they do make that decision, it’s a really big deal,” says Meghann Kosman, a victim advocate at North Star Advocacy Center in North Kansas City, Missouri.
According to Kosman, leaving requires a lot of courage and, in some cases, many efforts.
“We have to honor that and respect that,” she adds. And she continues, “Work with them because they’re ready in that moment to make that change.” The opportunity may not present itself again.
Reproductive Limitations as Weapons
Another reason why supporters believe Missouri’s divorce rules should be changed is that they allow for a type of abuse known as reproductive coercion. “The abusive partner uses pregnancy and children to control their partner,” explains Christina Cherry, a program manager at Synergy Services, a Kansas City-based domestic abuse housing provider. On this day, Cherry stands inside an old Kansas City school that her charity is restoring to house survivors of domestic violence. “These units will be our four-bedroom units,” she explains, pointing to the vaulted ceiling of what was once the school gymnasium. They will accommodate families of eight. Cherry believes they could potentially welcome even larger families.
The charity chose to build its own housing after turning away far too many families in need, particularly large families with pregnancies forced on women by their abusers. “They continue to have children but cannot pay to house them. “They still live in poverty,” Cherry explains.
She claims that it is becoming increasingly difficult to leave her marriage.
Cherry says she felt worried for her clients when she learned that the Supreme Court might overturn Roe v. Wade in 2022, giving them even less choice over their pregnancies. Her organization and others like it reported turning away over 3,000 persons in need of shelter in the Kansas City area last year.
Missouri is hardly the only state dealing with this challenge in a post-war world. “We’re seeing lots more people citing reproductive coercion, sexual coercion, reproductive abuse, or pregnancy coercion as part of their experience,” says Marium Durrani, vice president of policy for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Her organization reported a roughly 100% spike in hotline calls across the United States in the year following the Supreme Court’s decision to abolish the legal right to abortion. “I mean, we are getting calls that are very explicitly like ‘I am pregnant.’ ‘I am trying to escape.’ ‘I cannot get resources where I am or in my state or my locality,'” Durrani said.
Bill That Would Repeal Missouri’s Divorce Rule is Not Guaranteed to Pass
Despite international media attention, it remains unclear whether Aune’s legislation will be passed in Missouri. “I don’t honestly feel very hopeful,” adds Aune, who points out that Democrats have a difficult time passing legislation in Missouri’s Republican-dominated statehouse.
Aune is more enthusiastic about a recent chat she had with Missouri judges, who she hopes will be more cognizant of the issues of abuse while making judgments regarding divorce and pregnancy. She said the bill might yet be passed in a future legislative session.
Destonee left her husband three months after her baby was born. Her ex still retains partial custody of the children, which she says is extremely difficult to manage. However, she claims that her overwhelming sense is one of freedom. She’s proud of herself and the person who was “so strong and didn’t even know it at the time.”
She claims to be so powerful that she saved herself and her children without the help of her state.