We spent our whole lives feeling ‘a failure’ and battling crippling anxiety – until life-changing diagnoses in our 50s
Kate Whitley and Claire Quant used to feel ‘strange’ as kids.
Their shyness was excruciating, they had difficulties focusing in class, and they frequently ended up in trouble.
But they didn’t realize why until fifty years later.
After receiving a diagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in their 50s, “everything made sense” for both ladies.
A behavioral disorder called ADHD can cause people to appear agitated and quickly distracted.
Although the majority of instances are diagnosed in children under the age of twelve, more adults are receiving diagnoses.
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Between 2000 and 2018, the number of ADHD prescriptions for men aged 18 to 29 increased by about 5,000 percent, according to research from University College London.
According to the nonprofit organization ADHD UK, this is because of a combination of better access to healthcare, lowered stigma, and improved awareness.
Additionally, social media has been crucial in helping people comprehend the condition’s intricacy and instigating a surge of new diagnoses.
In the UK, an estimated 2.6 million people suffer from ADHD today.
Here, Claire and Kate describe how they eventually realized they also had it.
‘I was plagued by crippling procrastination’
In July 2024, 56-year-old Claire Quant, a communications specialist and business mentor from Llangollen, Denbighshire, found out she had ADHD.
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She claims that although I was a little anxious as a child, I also suffered from terrible shyness.
Due to my weak memory recall, I would have tantrums when trying to review and would go blank on test day, which made it difficult for me to pass tests.
If my interest isn’t satisfied, I can become bored after hyperfocusing.”
Claire’s awareness of neurodiversity was heightened by her children’s autism and ADHD.
Her twins, who are now 12 years old, both developed severe anxiety and had trouble falling asleep at night.
At the age of five, Claire’s son received an autism diagnosis from the NHS, and at the age of seven, her daughter received an ADHD diagnosis following a private evaluation suggested by her school.
The mother looked for guidance online and discovered a group of people who shared her interests. Then she found out she had ADHD, too.
She claims that because she couldn’t stay still, she frequently fiddled with her fingernails to pass the time during meetings and classes.
Burnout, weariness, and masking were becoming serious issues that resulted in crippling procrastination.
The internet has a nasty reputation, yet my incessant quest for explanations for why I felt different—or quirky—led me to a Facebook group where I discovered thousands of other women who shared my struggles and were looking for solutions.
An NHS assessment was recommended by Claire’s doctor, however it was a complete failure.
She claims that I had overlooked the letter requesting that I complete a questionnaire, which was a clear indication of ADHD.
Her ADHD was confirmed by a second, confidential evaluation.
After five months, Claire says, “I feel more at ease because I know that I’m not a failure.”
When I received the results, I felt completely vindicated, but reading the whole report made me sad and caused me to cry a little.
I had devoted my life to attempting to conform to a neurotypical society.
I’m being kinder to myself and learning new ways to do things.
‘I was labelled as disruptive’
KATE Whitley, an Oxford native, was diagnosed with ADHD in her early 50s after experiencing changes since she was eight years old.
Despite my best efforts to blend in, most people who encountered me labeled me as disruptive, and I would get in trouble for talking too much, interrupting, daydreaming, and never finishing things, says 53-year-old Kate.
School, college, and almost every job I’ve ever held have been difficult for me.
I couldn’t do things the same way as everyone else, so the more I tried to explain myself, the more I felt misunderstood.
I felt inadequate in every way, which undermined my self-esteem and confidence.
I felt alienated, exposed to bullies, and annoyed because my brain interprets the environment in ways that others don’t.
I was unaware of how much my quality of life was diminished by the attempt to hide my true emotions in order to blend in, the persistent worry about making additional mistakes, and the incessant chatter in my thoughts, all of which went untreated.
The 9 ‘hidden’ signs of ADHD in adults
ADHD has long been linked to mischievous students who struggle to remain quietly in class.
And that’s a component of it. The behavioral disorder is frequently observed in youngsters because of its symptoms, which include fidgeting, daydreaming, and being easily distracted.
But attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is much more than just difficulty concentrating.
“If it’s not debilitating, it’s not ADHD,” explains Henry Shelford, CEO and co-founder of ADHD UK.
Social media has spawned trends in recent years that confuse certain personality traits or individual behaviors with ADHD.
You may be thinking, I must have ADHD since I can’t focus at work, I always lose my keys, and I forget birthdays. However, it’s not that easy.
The important difference, according to Dr. Elena Touroni, a consulting psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic, is how much a behavior affects a person’s day-to-day life, even though all of these may indicate the disease.
Real ADHD symptoms impact many aspects of life, including relationships, employment, and emotional health, while personality features tend to be less disruptive and context-dependent.
Having ADHD is difficult, says Henry of ADHD UK, who also has the disorder. One in four women with ADHD and one in ten males with ADHD will attempt suicide at some point.
How, therefore, may ADHD show up in a person’s life? Here are nine additional minor indicators, while hyperactivity is a common one:
- Time blindness – losing track of time, underestimating how long tasks will take, regularly being late or excessively early
- Lack of organisation – a messy home, frequently misplacing items, forgetting deadlines
- Hyperfocus – becoming deeply engrossed in activities for hours
- Procrastination – feeling overwhelmed by to-do lists and struggling to determine what needs your attention first so focusing on less important tasks
- Heightened emotions – emotional struggles can manifest in angry outbursts, feeling flooded with joy or shutting down because you feel too much at once
- Being a ‘yes man’ – agreeing to new projects at work or dinner dates with friends when you’re already busy (a desire to please)
- Impatience – interrupting people mid-conversation, finding it painful to stand in a queue, being overly-chatty
- Restlessness – tapping, pacing, fidgeting or feeling restless on the inside
- Easily distracted – by external things, like noises, or internal things like thoughts
She didn’t realize these difficulties weren’t personality defects but rather signs of ADHD until decades later.
She claims that after years of frustration and incorrect diagnosis, my doctor finally advised that I get evaluated, and I had it confirmed.
The experience was a mixture of grief and relief—grief for the years I lost trying to fit into a world that didn’t understand me and relief at finally having an explanation.
But with the correct medicine, it gave me the confidence to reconstruct my life on my terms and validated my experiences.
“Since accepting my ADHD, I’ve learned to use it as a strength rather than a hindrance,” says Kate, founder of ADHD Business Lab, an online resource that assists neurodivergent leaders and entrepreneurs.
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I’ve established a prosperous company assisting other neurodivergent business owners in overcoming obstacles and determining their own routes to achievement.
Although there are challenges in life, knowing my brain has given me a feeling of calm, direction, and pride in my accomplishments.
How to get help
A general practitioner can refer you for a specialized evaluation, but they are unable to properly diagnose ADHD.
There may be a lengthy wait. According to data, there are at least 196,000 persons in the UK on waiting lists.
Additionally, a BBC investigation revealed that clearing the backlog would take at least eight years in many places.
According to the NHS, an adult must have been exhibiting symptoms consistently for at least six months and have symptoms that moderately impact several aspects of their lives, such as struggling in relationships or performing poorly at work, in order to be diagnosed with ADHD.
Since it is believed that the disorder cannot manifest for the first time in adults, there must also be proof that symptoms have existed since childhood.
Following a diagnosis, treatment options may involve medication, social skills training, psychotherapy, and psychological therapies.
A diagnosis might provide relief to many, but it can also cause conflicting sentiments and a sense of being different.
ADHD UK can provide assistance and information on possible diagnostic routes.
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